🔗 Share this article

This year represents a full decade since the word “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the phrases this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, romance's gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who forgo having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, bad gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions affirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Random and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {